What's the solution for a smart person with poor executive function?

2 morpheos137 3 8/7/2025, 1:31:51 AM
My life is always on the verge of falling apart. I don't seem to make progress in life. I don't seem to be able to learn from experience or change the things that have held me back in life. I have trouble meeting and forming connections with people. I have trouble with maintaining relationships. Fortunately my parents care for me. Out of the blue my sister estranged herself and her family from me some 3 years ago and despite trying I have not been able mend the rift or even understand its cause. I think she thinks I am a screwed up person. I don't get in trouble and don't intentionally harm people. I live in my head and I am an introverted person. I live independently and I have my own house I inherited from my grand parents. I recently lost my job and have been underemployed and misapplied in the labor market since I graduated college 2009. I can't keep a job longer than about 3 years and can't progress in a career. Most have been far shorter. At work people's opinions of me swing wildly over time from thinking I am a genius to thinking I should be fired or I am bad actor. I am pretty unemotional and don't have strong feelings on much. I have difficulty managing my own time and organizing my life and setting goals. I lack self discipline. I lack sufficient fear of consequences. I take risks and sometimes make mistakes but can do amazing things on projects at home or at work. I always stand out in a positive or negative way. People tell me their innermost secrets but they don't trust me or see me as one of them. I missed the socialization process because I isolated myself as a teenager and young adult. I think I have schizoid personality disorder that developed due to trauma in my adolescence. I enjoy living because the world is interesting and i don't feel much in the way of negative emotions.

But because of how I am I am worried I am headed for a crash. I believe one can only start over so many times from nothing.

Even when I start over I can't progress into a real life.

Before someone says seek therapy I can say that I have tried but it doesn't seem to work for me because I lack feelings to talk about and I lack the ability to change my procrastinating and organize my life. Typically the therapist doesn't understand me or how to address me. I am not anxious or psychotic but I am also not normal.

Emotions are what drive a person forward and keep them on the rails or between the white and yellow lines.

I lack the emotions to get in trouble and the emotions to do something positive with my life. I feel emotions but they are not strong enough or directed enough to drive sustainable motivation toward a goal.

I want to live a good life. I suppose all I can do is try my best every moment of the day each day and not beat one's self up for the past missed opportunities.

I am worried about my future.

Working for someone else doesn't work for me over any length of time. I don't want to get another menial job just to fail again and waste more time.

I would be interested in business ideas or passive income ideas to help give me income.

I am a good problem solver and learner and have a beeadth of knowledge about a variety of topics that exceeds most people. I have the ability to analyze a process and understand how it works and what is going on.

I have some experience in computers and programming but not recent and with so much open source and people working in the industry world wide it seems a waste of time to write software or make a website for income because its all been done and said by someone else before.

I would rather do a local service business than compete with the whole world.

Comments (3)

austin-cheney · 12m ago
You might have the Asperger’s variant of ASD. Asperger’s is no longer diagnosed, but it’s identified as a benign ultra low social intelligence, low conscientiousness, and obsessive disorders. It is often misdiagnosed, or at least prematurely, as ADHD.

What other people see is impulsivity similar to ADHD but without the introspection or impulse regulation still present in people with ADHD.

Do you think almost exclusively in terms of first person pronouns? Do you have difficulty knowing when not to talk or when to stop talking? Do you have trouble determining the interest level or listening posture of the people around you? Do you find it challenging to put things away or remember where you left something?

If any of that describes you I recommend focusing on only two things:

1. Active listening. You have to teach yourself to not talk and to read the nonverbal communications of people. This will be tough because it will be completely outside your interest.

2. Organizational skills. I suspect organizational skills are something always of interest to you but just a bit out of reach. I am not sure how to help with this because I have seen people obsess over this and still do poorly.

p_ing · 11m ago
You haven't tried therapy. You've found a therapist (or more than several) that you don't gel with. Keep going, it may take you 15, 20, or more therapists to find the correct one. They're not manufactured overseas in a die stamp and shipped in a box to your local generic office space.

Oh, and less HN. HN isn't going to solve your problem. And don't bother with reddit, either. The Internet isn't your head-problem-solving-space. In fact, based on the wall of text, this is the last place you should be. Nothing about "can't function" takes that many words.

dylanhassinger · 26m ago
learn React and get a software engineering job

work out and read books to get your mind under control

follow Dave Ramsey's financial advice and stop making excuses