Ask HN: What if I fail to make it?

I teach in a tech/trade vocational program where 1/2 the students are your generation. All kinds of reasons they are there. (Didn't do well in High School, College, University, Grad School, Gaming in their parents basement since they were 10)

When one of the skills click (some try 2 or 3 of the ones we teach) and they start working the says that life is happening for them. The failures, in retrospect, become steps the had to take to get where they are. Perseverance is probably good personality trait to develop.

I chose my handle to have the word prosaic in it because I did many thing in tech (and other fields), none at extraordinary levels, but all done by learning by trying things out. You don't have to be wildly successful in life, prosaic can be good enough.

I’m happy to share my thoughts here, but I think it’d be more effective if you had a trusted friend or advisor to talk to in person.

Anyone can feel like a failure if they have lofty goals. The #5 golfer in the world can feel like they failed if they never won a major. The NBA MVP can feel like a failure if they never got a championship ring. An EVP of the biggest company in the world can feel like a failure if they were never a CEO.

There are plenty of people in the richest 1% who feel like they failed even though the other 99% might want to trade places with them.

Set realistic goals and work towards them. Don't base your success or failure on meeting every one of them 100% before you turn 30.

I would recommend looking into being able to recognise ‘thought viruses’

A book that really helped me was ‘Stop overthinking’ by Nick Trenton. I still have those thoughts, Anxiety isn’t the easiest thing to get rid of.

Find what it is that you enjoy, build habits (tiny habits / atomic habits are great references) and you might find that just moving a tiny bit in the direction that makes you happy might compound over time.

Success isn’t always about careers or large paydays. Your health, relationships, hobbies, identity and sanity play a big part of that as well.

I have friends who moved to other countries and restarted their lives at the age of 35/40, and I met people in their 70s who done the same.

Good luck!

Comparison is the thief of joy. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday. Set your goals, work towards them, and update your goals and actions accordingly. We win or we learn, and we try to win more than we learn over time. There are unhappy billionaires who will never feel like they’ve won, and people in abject poverty who are happy with what they have. Happiness is reality minus expectations.

You have a therapist yet? Highly recommend.

You'll make it.

Maybe you should ask why you feel behind in your life. Behind what or whom?

What do you actually want to be doing and what is stopping you from doing them?

Elon Musk may die considering himself a failure. There's a lot of things you can do, therapy, change jobs, travel Europe, buy a sports car, and for sure a few of those things you should do, but they'll all lead to the same conclusion: You're not behind, you're right where you are supposed to be.