This was pretty wild. Veers deeply into broad generalizations that have the potential to be dangerous in some way I cannot name - but if you stop and consider each archetype as a vector along which you can accidentally trap yourself, its a thought provoking read at least. Unfortunately its also a list of undesirable damaged characters followed by some model of a "whole man" that is somehow infinitely attractive and stable. That's a lot of malarkey in my opinion. We're on a many-dimensional journey and all of us are some degree of lost. Some good guide markers in here though.
I think it does boil down to "try things a lot," especially creating real connections with other people, even though you will painfully fail many times. Drive yourself to have real conversations. Protect your health and keep yourself strong physically and mentally. That's a powerful base to be standing on. Then go find a blend of interest, purpose and duty - building a sense of dharma helps you wake up in the morning and move through the world feeling a little less "lost."
x3n0n · 2h ago
Yes! Most of the first part and the archetypes seemed a little sour and dissppointed, even demanding, which apalled me from the author. I feel pretty whole, but i have my days - and so do you!
I really liked the suggestions at the end of the article, though. Really wholesome and a good direction.
Molitor5901 · 39m ago
This has quite a few issues with framing bias. It sets up this dichotomy between “polite society’s” vague, restrictive rules for men and the "manosphere’s" toxic but concrete guidance. Then she talks about only the men she has dated and kind of ignores the rest of male dating experience. All in all it just reads like a emotional attempt to persuade us to.. something.. but no real evidence. I don't think we can generalize men of the bay area, or men in general around these experience of one person.
xyzzy9563 · 2h ago
Just find someone you usually enjoy being around and can ultimately start a family with, and who would be loyal. Too many people are over-thinking this stuff.
Molitor5901 · 36m ago
Another perspective if I may: People are used to the dating apps now which require just a few milliseconds of consideration before swiping yes, or no. That focus on essentially "hot or not" eliminates entire swaths of the dating pool to just those someone finds attractive. The worrisome part is that they take that mentality of "only swiping on ~10" that they've transferred it to the real world. Why bother talking to that man, or that women, when the app gives you thousands and thousands of infinite choice. Why settle when there's so many better ones to choose from?
atmavatar · 2h ago
> Just find someone ... who would be loyal
That's much harder than you realize.
Something close to half of all marriages fail. Significant numbers of men and women cheat. Roughly 30% of children given paternity tests or even those who use ancestry services discover their assumed fathers... aren't. Significant numbers of men and women are abusive, both physically and emotionally.
People suck.
And, the rugged individualism (bordering on objectivism) cultivated so strongly within the US doesn't help things.
You may as well be telling someone not to be poor.
weeznerps · 1h ago
>Roughly 30% of children given paternity tests or even those who use ancestry services discover their assumed fathers... aren't.
The 30% figure comes from men who already doubt paternity...obviously some strong selection effects there.
In addition, there are very strong cohort effects for divorce. For example, if you have a bachelors the divorce rate is more like 25%.
VirusNewbie · 34m ago
Lost in in the discourse of of toxic masculinity and deconstruction of male gender identies is the truth that there are traditionally masculine traits that women are biologically hard wired to find attractive.
Women across all cultures are drawn to status and, for lack of a more precise term, stoicism.
Status can take many forms in different societies or even sub cultures, but striving for status of some sort seems to be a universally attractive trait for males.
Women verbalize they want men who are emotionally available, but I've been compared to Spock in demeanor quite frequently and it seems to be quite popular with women.
I think it does boil down to "try things a lot," especially creating real connections with other people, even though you will painfully fail many times. Drive yourself to have real conversations. Protect your health and keep yourself strong physically and mentally. That's a powerful base to be standing on. Then go find a blend of interest, purpose and duty - building a sense of dharma helps you wake up in the morning and move through the world feeling a little less "lost."
I really liked the suggestions at the end of the article, though. Really wholesome and a good direction.
That's much harder than you realize.
Something close to half of all marriages fail. Significant numbers of men and women cheat. Roughly 30% of children given paternity tests or even those who use ancestry services discover their assumed fathers... aren't. Significant numbers of men and women are abusive, both physically and emotionally.
People suck.
And, the rugged individualism (bordering on objectivism) cultivated so strongly within the US doesn't help things.
You may as well be telling someone not to be poor.
Not true in modern contexts. Misattribution of paternity is much closer to 1-2%: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34288189/, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/237633127_How_Well_...
The 30% figure comes from men who already doubt paternity...obviously some strong selection effects there.
In addition, there are very strong cohort effects for divorce. For example, if you have a bachelors the divorce rate is more like 25%.
Women across all cultures are drawn to status and, for lack of a more precise term, stoicism.
Status can take many forms in different societies or even sub cultures, but striving for status of some sort seems to be a universally attractive trait for males.
Women verbalize they want men who are emotionally available, but I've been compared to Spock in demeanor quite frequently and it seems to be quite popular with women.
how do I avoid dating women like this one
fright night
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