For a long time, I’ve been this person for other people, but don’t feel like I have anybody to do this for me. That’s okay — I don’t feel bitter about that or anything. And I don’t wanna overstate what a good friend I am or whatever, I just do this a decent amount. But some part of me does wish I had someone celebrating my wins.
This:
“No one comes to mind? Maybe you haven’t really trusted anyone with your wins yet.”
really, really hit me for some reason. I’m pretty averse to praise/congratulations — even if I feel it’s deserved! — so I don’t really share my wins with people. How can I expect to have people hype me up if I don’t let them in a little? It’s obvious when I write it all out but I kinda can’t believe how long I’ve been operating this way.
Anyway, great post!
darth_avocado · 3h ago
> For a long time, I’ve been this person for other people, but don’t feel like I have anybody to do this for me.
For the longest time I was this and unfortunately I got bitter over time. But then a couple of years ago I got back into the mindset again. A few bad years later I realized that the more happy you are for your friends, the more happy you are. Do it for yourself and nobody else.
danielrm26 · 2h ago
Why not both?
rez0123 · 4h ago
I’m so glad that line helped. It was a last minute addition, and I was thinking about how so many of my friends just don’t share the awesome stuff they do with the world. Share more!!
foobarbecue · 28m ago
In my first few years on the job, I would fill out peer evaluations honestly. We have peer evaluations where you rate people out of 5 on various performance elements like "innovative" and "leader" or whatever. Then I survived a couple of rounds of awful layoffs where really good people lost their livelihoods.
Since then, I put 5 out of 5 on everyone for everything always, and say something nice in all the boxes.
No comments yet
Brajeshwar · 8m ago
Hey, I see these greyscale images (the one at the top of the article) quite often these days. Can you please give me the prompt?
anotherevan · 15m ago
"root" means something quite different as a slang term here in Australia. I head to read the title several times.
No comments yet
irrational · 2h ago
I forgot for a moment what website I was on and expected the link to be about the board game Root and getting your friends to play it with you.
I thought it was a peevish Kiwi joke about how people of other nations do not use words as they do.
ianburrell · 46m ago
I thought it was about giving SSH and sudo to your friends.
spongebobstoes · 4h ago
I largely agree, this is a great way to support your friends.
I would add to bias towards praise, but still be honest and judicious. People know when they hear empty words, and it's important to be trustworthy.
huevosabio · 1h ago
The way I try to do it is: if you think something nice, say it
rez0123 · 4h ago
Yeah i only put the one line in there that talks about that:
> people who are honest to your face and praise you behind your back.
I could have emphasized that more.
shermantanktop · 3h ago
Just had a friend leave their company. They had formed a really strong network of people within that company who were in constant contact. This helped them succeed in a lot of ways.
Sounds good? It was, except...most of that bonding was based on lowkey negativity by a set of people who felt powerless, complaining about how others were terrible. Some in this network went down a rabbithole of resentment and are still there. The reality is that yes, there was lots of stuff to be grumpy about.
Rooting for your friends is great. But people sometimes bond over wishing harm for their foes. Shared trauma does that. I personally try to avoid that mindset.
No comments yet
wewewedxfgdf · 4h ago
I kinda had this maybe assembled in my head in an incomplete bits and pieces way but this really brought together the concept I love it.
Whoever wrote this post is really rocking with the clear human thinking.
rez0123 · 4h ago
Thank you
pram · 3h ago
I’m not trying to be controversial but this behavior seems to be very hard for a lot of men. I’ve noticed it a lot in my life that guys are far more willing to “circle the wagons” over petty slights, and alienate people over it. Then their ego doesn’t let them back down, and they just get more bitter from the (obvious) outcome.
I’m guilty of it myself of course, but it seems like there is some kind of naturally adversarial behavior baked into me. It literally just makes things worse is the funny thing, and I already know this. But sometimes I cant stop it. Life would be easier and better if we were all collectively friendly hypemen but alas.
anonu · 3h ago
I believe in this. Just don't get onto to the corporate hype train.
emptybits · 2h ago
This recent episode of the Secular Buddhism podcast may be worth a listen. It gets into the enduring value and joy we can find in the good fortune of others.
I’m generally happy for those around me who are achieving things and doing better for themselves.
I love people like that!!
Friends and strangers who try and aren’t quitters.
xphos · 3h ago
I like the sentiment and appreciate when I see an OP in the comments taking feedback
the_arun · 1h ago
Root for all around you.
keybored · 4h ago
Blogger says it’s better to be positive than negative. Could that be the case? Is it really so? Yes. And further. Thinking good thoughts is better than thinking bad thoughts about yourself or others. It’s also better to give meaningful feedback on projects. Than not meaningful feedback.
“This is a message that a lot of people need to hear,” says blogger.
Here’s some memes from 2012 to now.
No comments yet
aeblyve · 4h ago
And here I was cynically thinking I was going to learn how to "get root" on my friends.
Still applies I guess.
bigiain · 4h ago
As an Australian, "Root for your friends" has a hilariously alternate meaning.
AStonesThrow · 4h ago
I offered to give root and/or ssh to a couple of friends, and they all turned it down. I don't really have any friends anyway.
Perhaps we can parlay this title into a video game. Or simply an alternate title for Core War.
raddan · 3h ago
Oddly I have found that nearly all of my best friends come from different walks of life than me, and do different things for work. Only one of my very good friends does the same things that I do. Others, like my stonemason friend, have very different lives, and we met by chance. I’ve also found lately that I enjoy socializing with people over a shared activity, like a class. I just got back (today) from taking a drafting (ie, architectural drawing) class. The people in it were very different from me: a mix of tradespeople and artists. Nevertheless, it was clear that all of us shared a love of learning a skill and doing it well, and so it really was a blast. I learned a lot from them.
You might try just doing something different. It was an interesting experience spending the day with people who wanted to talk to me because I was the odd one out—none of them personally knew any programmers or computer scientists and they all had a million questions!
rez0123 · 4h ago
inception is a form of code execution in their brain.
This:
“No one comes to mind? Maybe you haven’t really trusted anyone with your wins yet.”
really, really hit me for some reason. I’m pretty averse to praise/congratulations — even if I feel it’s deserved! — so I don’t really share my wins with people. How can I expect to have people hype me up if I don’t let them in a little? It’s obvious when I write it all out but I kinda can’t believe how long I’ve been operating this way.
Anyway, great post!
For the longest time I was this and unfortunately I got bitter over time. But then a couple of years ago I got back into the mindset again. A few bad years later I realized that the more happy you are for your friends, the more happy you are. Do it for yourself and nobody else.
Since then, I put 5 out of 5 on everyone for everything always, and say something nice in all the boxes.
No comments yet
No comments yet
https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/237182/root
I would add to bias towards praise, but still be honest and judicious. People know when they hear empty words, and it's important to be trustworthy.
I could have emphasized that more.
Sounds good? It was, except...most of that bonding was based on lowkey negativity by a set of people who felt powerless, complaining about how others were terrible. Some in this network went down a rabbithole of resentment and are still there. The reality is that yes, there was lots of stuff to be grumpy about.
Rooting for your friends is great. But people sometimes bond over wishing harm for their foes. Shared trauma does that. I personally try to avoid that mindset.
No comments yet
Whoever wrote this post is really rocking with the clear human thinking.
I’m guilty of it myself of course, but it seems like there is some kind of naturally adversarial behavior baked into me. It literally just makes things worse is the funny thing, and I already know this. But sometimes I cant stop it. Life would be easier and better if we were all collectively friendly hypemen but alas.
https://secularbuddhism.com/blog/204-beyond-happiness/
I love people like that!!
Friends and strangers who try and aren’t quitters.
“This is a message that a lot of people need to hear,” says blogger.
Here’s some memes from 2012 to now.
No comments yet
Still applies I guess.
Perhaps we can parlay this title into a video game. Or simply an alternate title for Core War.
You might try just doing something different. It was an interesting experience spending the day with people who wanted to talk to me because I was the odd one out—none of them personally knew any programmers or computer scientists and they all had a million questions!
(xkcd.com/149)